Why are my voices bothering me in the first place?

            Good Afternoon Everyone!! How are all of you doing today?  Fine, I hope.  I want to start things off by asking a question.  Why are my voices bothering me in the first place?  The answer is I really do not know.  I want to be very honest and truthful by saying that my personal auditory hallucinations did not start until I was inside of a state hospital in North Carolina.  I will admit that the voices have been mostly women who were talking to me and making me laugh.  The women who I were hearing inside of my head.  The women’s voices were cursing me out by saying that I was a very lazy man.  On Thursday November 8, 2009; I was lying down on my bed at Broughton Hospital, and suddenly, I started hearing women’s voices.  I started talking back to these voices because I thought this was a female angel talking to me.

            Next, I looked around inside of the hospital room to find out where these voices were coming from.  I could not find anything.  Afterwards, I went back to bed.  Within the next five minutes, from the time I was inside of my bed, the woman was cussing me out.  I could not sleep throughout that night.  The next day, I went to the nurse’s station to ask the nurse whether or not I could take something for sleep because I had told her that I had start hearing voices.  During the time I was inside of Broughton Hospital, I had been hearing voices of women cussing me out every day for 5 weeks.  While I was discharged from Broughton Hospital, I was transported to a residence inside of a neighborhood near where I used to live at in Charlotte, NC.

            Moreover, I was at the house, the voices were calling me a candy……….. I also want to inform all of you that on December 12, 2009; a male voice told me to leave the residence that I was living.  This male voice stated that if I did not leave, he would twist my cap.  These are auditory hallucinations and voices that I had experienced while I was down South.

 The voices started bothering me because of sins and personal mistakes that I was making in my personal life.  I will admit that I was disobedient towards God and others.  I was also disobedient to all of my authority figures in my life.  The voices that I had been hearing had me jumping to conclusions by saying things out loud and yelling at other people.  The voices were talking to me as if they were right in my face.  The voices were bothering me by constantly yelling at me and telling me what to do.  The voice of the female told me in my face that she was an angel.  I am not certain of this, but I do know that there are female angels that exist.  I thought this angel or the female voice was a young lady from my past.

I used to call her name each day, and it turns out that this person does not exist.  This was an auditory hallucination that I was having for a total of 3 years.  I will admit to all of you that I have been hearing male and female voices as well as auditory hallucinations.  I know that this is not very easy to talk about, but I might as well confer with all of you about this in order to receive feedback.  I know that these voices would scare anyone.  I want to tell all of you that I am very happy that I am clean and sober from drugs. 

Also, I am very happy that I am away from the State Hospital.  My voices tell me every single day that I am trifling, lazy, stupid, and a patsy.   I want to tell all of you that my voices and auditory hallucinations that I have each day are responsible for telling me that I am a total stupid……… The voices tell me that I need to start taking care of my responsibilities instead of spending too much money on phone service.  These voices know more about me than I know all about myself.  Even though these voices are inside of my head or away from my head, I still hear them.  The male voices tell me each day that I will be celibate for the rest of my life.

In Summary, I want to inform all of you that my voices tell me that I am a very trifling man.  The voices, even though they are inside of my head, have a way of affecting my self-esteem.  For example, the voices used to have me crying for over 5 years.  Each time I hear these voices, I used to start crying because I know that there is no one after me personally.  It is that I felt hurt and wounded from hearing these voices.  I want to inform all of you that it has been 8 years 1 month and 21 days that I have been hearing voices and having auditory hallucinations.  I am not saying that I am a perfect person.  I know that I have hurt a lot of people in my life.  A lot of people have hurt me in return.  I want to inform all of you that this is similar to dealing with life on life terms.

In Conclusion, I want to inform all of you that I feel like crying right now because I am dealing with these voices and auditory hallucinations.  I will admit that today is December 29, 2017 and I am completely baffled by the fact that these mere voices know every single thing about me.  I thought that I was punished by God.  I know that God will let you know that He is punishing you.  I just hear voices for one reason or another.  My voices and auditory hallucinations make people laugh and cry at the same time.  I know for me personally, I have went through a whole lot throughout an 8 year period.  I am reading the Bible a whole lot more and praying to God.  I get the impression that God is not hearing my prayers.  I pray to God each day about all of my sins and problems, and I just get this impression that He is not hearing me. 

Currently, I am at the Library using the computer and listening to some music in order to drown these voices out.  I have to do something literally just to resolve all of these issues that I have with myself and others.  I prefer to write all about all of my experiences when it comes to dealing with the voices and auditory hallucinations.  My voices keep telling me to stay inside of the bed.  The voices keep telling me that I have been telling lies about the voices and auditory hallucinations.  My type of voices enjoy putting thoughts and nasty things inside of my mind to do each day of the week.  For example, the voices enjoy porn so much that it is like a complete euphoria to them.  To me, it is a sin to look at porn and deal with gross thoughts.  Please pray for me okay!!