Are you holding a grudge? About?   I will admit that I have held a grudge for more than 12 years.   It has taken me 12 years to forgive a specific female because she was cheating on me.   My AA Sponsor helped me along the way.   Otherwise, I have tried my best to allow Jesus Christ to forgive me first and Foremost.   Secondly, I have managed to pray for those who have hurt me in the past.  If the Lord’s Will, I will be 60 next year.  God and Jesus Christ are really holding my arms up and are walking with me.  There are other people who have hurt me, and likewise myself.   I have hurt myself as well as other people with my behavior.   Holding grudges will only mess up your relationship with God.   I am the type of person, who forgives others very quickly.  I remember when I attempted suicide for the very first time.   I have lost my money to scammers and computer hackers because I was careless and looking for love in all of the wrong places.  On Friday February 13, 2010, I have taken all of my medication just to drown out misery in my life.   For 3 years, I have given my money freely to other people that I did not know.  Sadly, I had to spend 6 days inside of Miami Valley Hospital for treatment. I really do not know exactly what I am going to do with the women who have scammed me out of money.   Lord Jesus, please, give me the wisdom to know the difference between a human relationship with the opposite sex, and a regular that is artificial in nature.   I will admit that I am gullible when it comes to the opposite sex.   This is the reason why I am all by myself right now. Pain is a monster to go through.   However, I am not bitter.   Mom told me before she died to keep my head high above the ground.   Therefore, looking down is misery and pain.  I know that I have failed when it comes to relationships with the women who were in my life.  I remember when I used to look at pornography everyday: as an escape from reality.   From March 13, 2008 through February 21, 2010, I didn’t set boundaries for myself and with other people.   If I would had boundaries during my online relationships that I have had with the women, who have scammed me out of a large sum of money.   I would not have tried to kill myself over foolishness.  My AA Recovery is my Responsibility.   I am responsible for listening first and then become slow to speak and slow to get angry.   James 1;19!  I have to give God more of my time than I have ever did before.   All of this has made me more mature and more as a real man.   People can take advantage of you; only if you let them.  There was a young lady, to whom I fell in love very quickly.   I am very sorry for going off on a tangent.   Currently, I am evaluating my life and the things that I have done for 59 years now.   Thank you Lord Jesus, for helping me to get to know myself a whole lot better.   Thank you for saving me, loving me, and accepting me as a member of the human race.  Although I have critics, and those who want to see me fail in life.  I have already forgiven the people who really want to see me collapse.  God Bless You, who are workers of iniquity.  Remember this, only God can judge me and you to.  My grudges are a thing of the past.   Never dwell on what has already happened because God is watching all of us.   If someone continues to dwell on the past throughout their entire life: You will miss God’s Blessings that He has already promised you.  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ME, IF I WOULD HAD CONTINUED TO DWELL ON THE PAST.  REMEMBER THIS, YOUR PAST IS YOUR HISTORY.   HISTORY IS A STUDY OF THE HUMAN PAST.  FOCUS ON WHAT IS RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE.   HARBORING RESENTMENTS AND GRUDGES IS A STUMBLING BLOCK THAT YOU HAVE PUT ON YOURSELF!!  THANK YOU FOR READING MY ESSAY.   MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU INSIDE OF HIS HANDS.  DO YOU KNOW THAT HOLDING GRUDGES IS MISERY THAT YOU HAVE PUT ON YOURSELF ?