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What have you been putting off doing?  Why ?  I want to inform all of you that I was in the hospital for 5 days.  I have been putting off cleaning up my apartment because I had Covid-19 for a total of three weeks.  I also have been putting off traveling to Toledo, Ohio from attending a University of Toledo Football & Basketball game because I have been physically and mentally sick.  Also, I didn’t have any money to travel to both Toledo & Charlotte NC.   I have been putting off going to the library because I had Covid-19  for almost a month.   Please keep me and my entire family members in your prayers and thoughts.   Thank you for allowing me to answer this question.

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?  If you really want the truth, I was performing adult responsibilities as a 7 year old child because I had to take care of myself & my siblings.   I want to inform everyone that my mother told me to my face that I was the man of the house.   At first, I was living with my grandparents because my mother was sick at the time that I was born; because my mother was suffering from Post Parteum Depression for a little while.  Second, I want to inform everyone that I used to attend Church with my grandparents every Sunday & Thursday during the 1970s.   This had given me an opportunity to take care of other children.   I know that I was a child, but I was only a child, but I had to grow up very fast because the 1970s was a very dangerous time in my life.   I know that I was a latchkey child for a total of 7 years; From 1972 to 1979 because my mother was working at the time.  Third, I want to inform all of you that I really didn’t have an actual childhood.   I had to protect my siblings from the other children in my neighborhood because my mother was living in the Projects as well as other houses inside of the Westside of the Dayton Ohio Area.   The elementary school was only two city blocks from the apartment that my mother lived at.  The school that I used to attend was Edison Elementary School in the Dayton, Ohio Area.   From 1977 to 1978, I was bussed to an European American neighborhood school called Franklin which was located in East Dayton Ohio.  My childhood was so intense that I had to fight other kids that were in my neighborhood.  Even though I lost my fights most of the time.   I am the oldest child in my family.   I had a childhood to a certain extent because I was playing basketball for the YMCA Basketball Team during the year 1976 to 1979.  I was in the Boy Scouts Troop #19 for three years.  My mother made it possible for me to play basketball as a child.  Whereas, my grandparents made sure that I was safe & seperated from my mother’s husband because he tried to kill me on several occasions throughout my life.  I have strayed away from my own family members because taking care of my siblings became a major problem.  Although I had to do adult things, but it had affected my relationships with my siblings and other children.   I want to inform everyone that I have accomplished a lot during a 18 year period.   I had to try to avoid getting into trouble as a child because I had succumb to peer pressure by being forced to drink alcohol and smoke marijuana with my friends.   I really need a lot of prayer because there is a young lady who have caused me a great deal of distress during an 18 month period right now.   This lady is 30 years younger than me.   I am very sorry for going off on a tangent today because I have had a total of 3 seizures this year. I have to really stay calm & relaxed under pressure.   My therapist is helping me to literally cope with my problems with my adversaries & other women who I have a problem with right now.   Currently, I have learned how to become honest and content with myself.  I am more mature right now because I have been clean & sober for 34 years now.   I have went through some sort of an experience that is very hard to describe right now.  I have a passion for helping women and children because my own biological father was not involved in my life, and it really bothers me because everytime I look at my own birth certificate; the biological fathers information is blank.  It always makes me feel that I am an illegitimate child.  I have more faith in God and Jesus Christ right now.   I thank God for saving me from myself and from my adversaries right now.  Growing up in the Dayton Ohio Area has made me feel like I am walking on eggshells right now.  I will admit that I have a profound fear of women because whenever they start yelling at me, I have to take a long walk because I like to preserve my sanity.  I had to learn how to listen to women because they can be compassionate and understanding.   I had to learn all by myself because I didn’t have an actual biological father in my life, and it affects me personally.  Lord God, please forgive me of all of my sins, transgressions, and Iniquities because I prefer to carry the Love that I have for God and Jesus Christ as well as His Entire Creation Forever.  My AA Sponsor helped me to learn how to forgive other people for hurting me.   It is that I hope and pray that this young lady can forgive me in the same way I have forgiven her.  Therefore, I have changed my life for the better.   Frankly, it is the same little girl that I have hurted her, and I feel very remorseful and sad because she has grew up right now and she is very angry at me.  If I see her; I would like to continue to pray for her personally.   If she yells at me, I will accept it because everyone is entitled to a freedom of expression.   What I actually have to do is search for her and console her for the rest of her life.  I know that she is very angry at me. I only wish that I can find her.  I will tell her family members that I am very sorry for injuring her. Lord Jesus, please, give her whatever she deserve in a positive manner.  I still have to make direct amends with everyone in my family as well as my adversaries right now.   If it is the Lord’s Will, I would like to make amends before I die.  Lord Jesus, please show me how to make complete amends with very difficult people. I have learned how to accept constructive criticism & excessive vulgarity from the people who I have done wrong to in my life. I am still remorseful and I forgive her and her family for the wrong that I have done. Lord Jesus, only You know exactly who she is personally. Thank you for reading my essay today.   God Bless All of You 🙏! Amen 🙏!

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?  If I had that amount of money, I would pay my Tithes and Offerings to my Church, I also have to pay off some of my debts off, and I will do the right thing for God and Jesus Christ 🙏.

What is something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail.   Frankly, according to Matthew 19:26, says; With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible.   What I am saying that I can get another job working inside of a Library again.   I have been trying to get another job working at the Dayton Metro Library.  Therefore, I will not give up this time around.   I will not allow the mess from my past defeat me!  Another thing is that I would like to walk on the Appalachian Trail.

What was the hardest personal goal you have set for yourself?  First, I want to inform all of you that the hardest personal goal was staying clean and sober since 1990.  The hardest personal goal was stop smoking cigarettes for me because I was smoking marijuana and cigarettes just to deal with stress in my personal life from 1974 to 1990.  I actually started smoking marijuana and cigarettes because of peer pressure.  Second, I want to say that my second hardest personal goal was graduating from the University of Toledo in Toledo OH.   From Monday April 1, 1991 through June 14, 1996: I will admit that I struggled in College because I was using vulgarity during my classes & making things hard for my own self.  At that time, I struggled with writing because I really was not prepared for College.  Third, another one of the hardest personal goal was learning how to accept constructive criticism from other people.   For a total of 22 years, I had to learn how to forgive myself & other people because I have decided to join the AA Fellowship in 1990.  The AA Program taught me how to take responsibility for all of my sins, transgressions, & Iniquities.  I also learned a whole lot more about Jesus Christ.  I really got tired of the wrong people using me and abusing me as well.   I also went to AA Treat because I wanted to stop drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana right along with cigarettes.   I went to AA Meetings as well as treatment in order for me to learn a new way of life.  I had to move out of town for a total of 5 years.  I had to learn how to take accountability and become responsible for all of my actions.  Fourth, I went to AA Meetings & NA as well.   However, I had picked up a new addiction and it was sex.  I spent a whole lot of money on women.   I was only fulfilling my addiction to women.  I spent an undetermined amount of money on just women.  My AA Sponsor helped me to get my life back on track.   I want to say that I had been used by some of them.   My family members resented me for spending a lot of money on pornography and women.   Fifth, I acquired this addiction to women because I was only making up for time that I was involved in failed relationships with women.  I was actually scared of women.   The hardest personal goal was stopping spending too much money on the women who were already in their own personal relationships with men.  I stopped spending money on women because I got scammed out of over $18,550 dollars in Western Union Funds by engaging in online relationships with scammers and computer hackers because I was only reaching out for love.   Sixth & Finally, what happened to me is that I became homeless in Charlotte NC twice and then homeless in my own hometown of Dayton Ohio.   The sixth hardest personal goal was to start paying my bills & rent for my apartment that I have had for almost 14 years now.   I had to become gainfully employed for 13 years.  I have to still pay on my student loans from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.   This is a place that I worked for 8 straight years.   Therefore, I have hurt myself & a whole lot of people in my own family members and friends.   I have disappointed my family members by bringing a disease inside of my family members places.  I actually tried to kill myself because I was ashamed of myself for getting scammed out of money.   I used to be a deceiver and a person who only wanted to be loved by a very decent woman.   I am the one who learned a lesson in my life by accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.   I learned how to become honest with God Himself and Jesus Christ as well as other people in my life.  I am very happy to write three books in a 23 year period.  Thank you for reading my essay today 🙏.