What are some of my personal stressors that are present in my life right now are excessive worries about my health and safety.  I am worried about my two Uncles, who are in the hospital right now.  Although I am declining in my health right now.  I will admit that I have been sleeping excessively.  I also have to admit that I am taking too much medicine each day.  I would like to consult with all of my Doctors to see what I can reduce from the 38 medications that I have been prescribed as of late.  I also will have to admit that I have been Court Ordered to take my psychotropic medications by a Probate Judge last year and in the past.

Further, I would like to lose at least 100 pounds within a specified period of time.  I have been clean and sober for a large number of years now.  This is the reason why I tend to go to the library on a daily basis.  I need to visit the library and Church each day of the week.  I need to learn how to love myself a whole lot more than usual.  As far as my personal Relationships with my family members and friends, I do need to visit them more often than usual.  I know that my apartment building is infested with bedbugs and other insects.  At least, I have been spraying alcohol inside of my apartment.  I also know that there are people who are selling drugs inside of the building.  I will admit that I need to be more alert and careful while foods are cooking.  I have burnt up pots and pans because I was not paying close attention to my foods.

Moreover, I want to say that I need to learn how to pay attention to everyone else as well as myself.  Taking 38 pills per day has messed me up completely.  I have been feeling sluggish and tired each day.  I will admit that I need to stop drinking so much coffee because I need to rest more and perhaps, get admitted into the hospital for a while because I am in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease right now.

Finally, I need to throw more stuff away.  I need to have a skilled nursing staff meeting with me on a daily basis.  I do not drink as much coffee as I used to.  At the AA Meetings, I used to drink five cups of coffee each day.  The residents at my apartment building are very concerned about my personal safety and others who are in my situation.  I have to end this essay by saying that I need to pay more attention to the things that I am doing for myself.  I know that Alzheimer’s and Dementia runs in our family.  I am in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, but the advance stages of Diabetes right now.  I have to stop buying things that I do not need.  I am very happy to just have my breath of life and my daily bread each day.  This is something that I do not take this for granted.  I take this very serious.  Thank you for reading my essay.

Proverbs 6:19 says: One who sows discord among the brethren.  What this means that people who enjoys stirring up gossip and violence, God has to deal with this person accordingly.  This is also an abomination to the Lord.  As I recall, my mouth used to get me beaten up by my fair weather friends.  I am saying that I gotten myself into a lot of trouble.  My grandparents used to quote scripture from the book of Proverbs.  They used to constantly tell me that he who keeps his mouth and tongue shall save his soul from troubles.

Next, I have learned a valuable lesson in life by staying quiet whenever it is necessary.  I guess, my grandparents and Elders were keeping me out of trouble.  I always learned how to take a walk during times of trouble.  In the 21st Century, people are solving their own personal problems with violence.  I understand this because I used to carry a gun with me during a certain period of time.  My grandparents admonished me because I was living in the streets, pretending to be a gangster.  I also protected my nieces and nephews when they were young.  I tried to become a positive role model for all of my family members and friends.  Instead, I was an alcoholic and addict for 18 years of my life.  I will admit that peer pressure became Paramount in my life.

Further, I really didn’t know how to really defend myself very well.  Therefore, I carried weapons of all types just to protect myself.  Lord Jesus, You really knows all of our hearts
Even if we bear iniquity and sin in our hearts, you will not hear me or anyone else who have this problem.  Some would say that we are wearing a mask each day of our lives.  This is true because I felt angry and indignant.  I have felt this way for a very long time.  I was only concealing my true feelings from my family members and friends.  I will admit that I am a passive aggressive person.  I only acted out due to fear that was inside of my heart.  It appears to me that I was depressed all along.  Medication cannot cure a broken spirit.  Only God can heal you from the inside out.

In Addition, I have learned a lot from the past 14 years now.  I thought that my Holy Spirit was a woman.  Right Now, it is a Spirit that is inside of the body of believers of Jesus Christ.  God wants us to dwell inside of His Kingdom.  I really understand that the Holy Spirit is real.  I do not want to become an abomination to the Lord Jesus.  Lord Jesus, Thank You for keeping it real with me.

Finally, I would rather keep quiet and allow God’s Presence to enter inside of me.  If I have sown any form of discord towards the brethren, I am very sorry for doing this to anyone.  I ask you Lord Jesus to help me along the way. I am very sorry for all of my sins both past and present.  Lord Jesus, thank you for keeping me clean and sober since Wednesday May 2, 1990.  I know that I am not perfect but I thank you for being with me alongside with me in my journey called life.  My feet had almost stumbled, I thank you Lord Jesus for picking me up off the ground.  Thank you Lord Jesus for being my Savior and friend.  

Romans 13:8 says: Owe no one anything, but to love one another, and he who loves has fulfilled the law.  What Paul is saying to the Roman Church and Empire that love is the solution rather than valuable possessions and money.  Owe no one anything, meaning that we give to another person, God will always bless us, and continue to affirm all of our actions with other people.

Next, I remember when I used to owe people money from my transactions from the past.  I know that I used to bet on sports during the 1970s.  As I recall betting on a football game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Minnesota Vikings during the 1973-74 season.  I have bet that Minnesota would beat Dallas in Dallas.  Minnesota lost the game and I had to pay my debt to my friend.  I will admit that it has taken me 5 years to pay$3.50 cents.  I should have paid this amount of money very quickly.  I apologized to my friend and I paid off my debt.

Moreover, I want to inform everyone that I felt like a complete fool because I avoided paying the debt.  Right Now, if I give someone something, I will not ask anything in return.  I have learned a valuable lesson from the past by sharing all of my experience, strength, and hope with everyone.  I used to give money to female prostitutes for sex for a 24 year period.  My family members clowned me for buying sex from women.  I know that at that time, I was seeking love from the opposite sex.  I supposed that I didn’t know at the time that if I am in a relationship with a harlot, I am in one flesh with her.  This is in First Corinthians 6:17.  I understand that I was only accepting random women for a brief sexual encounter or a one night stand.  I am telling everyone that if you lend money, it is done in good faith.  However, in Deuteronomy 15th Chapter pertains to Consumer Debt.  After seven years, it is classified as the Lord’s Release.  The Lord’s Release is supposed to exist today.  I will admit that I have borrowed money for college at the University of Toledo and the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.  Proverbs 22:7 says The rich rules over the poor and the borrower is servant to the lender.  Therefore all student loans are supposed to be paid back in full.  In some cases due to illness and or financial hardships, a loan can be cancelled.  Honestly, I still have to pay my student loans because I have borrowed the money in good faith.  I have used the money to pay my tuition and fees for college.

Finally, I want all of you to know that if you borrow money from any company, it must be paid back within a period of time.  If a borrower is deceased, then, the student loans are cancelled or passed down to family members of the borrower.  Frankly, all companies have policies of their own.  This means that this debt can be settled in a Court of Law.  If I were to lend money to anyone, it depends on the amount that is borrowed.  I would type up a Promissory Note stating that the money has to be paid back within a specified period of time.  I should have done this to the people who scammed me out of money at that time.  I have learned a valuable lesson from the past; especially when it comes to dealing with people that I do not know.  It depends on the amount of money itself.  If it is less than$100.00 dollars, I will be glad to help anyone in need.  If the amount exceeds over $100.00, I have to handle this as if it is collateral of some sort.  I have given away large sums of money in the past, but no more.  If the borrower does not signed the Promissory Note, then I will refuse to lend money to those who take advantage of me or other people.

How do you love someone who doesn’t love you in return?  I realize that I am not alone in the world.  I will admit that I hear voices coming from near and far.  To answer this question, I have to look and read the Bible and examine ourselves compared to Jesus.  I know that I have had a rough life growing up in Dayton, Ohio.  I really cannot compare my life to Jesus Christ.  I know that Jesus died for my sins as well as the sins of those who live in this world.

Next, I want to say that Jesus Christ loves forever and ever compared to all of us. We are only a vapor that is here for a short time and then it vanishes away.  My life at this moment has changed for the better. I can say that I love all of you.  I know that the Holy Spirit bears with our spirit on a daily basis.  I know that Jesus Christ loves me and all of those who know me personally.  For 14 years as of November 5, 2009, which was on a Thursday of that year.  I recall being incarcerated at Broughton State Hospital in Morganton, NC.  I have been hearing voices from near and far.  Some might say that I am suffering from Schizoid Affective Disorder and Schizophrenia.  However, I love all of you to the fullest extent of life.  Even though I might not receive anything in return, I know that I have acknowledged a member of God’s Creation.

Moreover, I want to inform all of you that God hears from all of us.  According to Psalms 65:18 says, if we have iniquity in out hearts, God will not hear us.  This is the truth because God wants all of us to be like Him. I know for myself that I have learned how to live a righteous life.  From being around God Fearing  People.  My grandparents taught me how to become a God Fearing Man.  I know that my mother was a God Fearing Woman herself.  Therefore, all of the members of our family are God Fearing People.  My grandparents and Elders have taken me to Church all of the time.  My siblings are taking their children to church on a regular basis.  My cousins and the rest of the family are attending a church of their choice.

Further, I would like to admit that I have been baptized over right times in my life.  How do you love those who don’t love you?  That is very easy.  You must learn how to forgive everyone.  Forgiveness is a life long process.  Each Person must be forgiven a total of 490 times.  I hear a familiar voice.  You know what, I have to love him anyway.  I know that we all have sinned and have fallen short of the Glory of God.

Finally, I have forgiven everyone in my past and present.  I have to continue to do His Work.  The Real Church is inside of our heart.  For whatever your treasure is there will your heart be also. I respond to this question by showing everyone love and respect.  Frankly, I receive what I get from the next person.  As long as I am doing what God tells me to do, I am satisfied.  Jesus Christ is love.  The Lord God is waiting for us to Repent of our sins.  The Lord God would prefer to have all of us Inside of His Kingdom.  Thank You Lord Jesus for hearing my prayer.  Even our years are collected Inside of His Book.