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A Willingness to know the difference!
29 April
Our Willingness Makes a Difference
Page 123
“When we show up with an open mind and a willingness to be of service, the rewards can be far greater than our efforts.”
Living Clean, Chapter 5, “Family”
A nudge from a sponsor, a longing to be a part of NA, a hunger for validation–any of these might be our initial inspiration to serve. Regardless of what motivates us, the rewards of service quickly become apparent. It feels good to be part of the beehive of activity that goes into keeping the doors open and meetings running smoothly. We feel a sense of belonging as home-group members greet us by name and invite us to check out other meetings. We welcome new members and introduce them to others who have their best interest at heart. Realizing that we fit that description, too, we offer our phone number and some advice: “If you don’t pick up, you can’t get high. Call one of us if the disease starts talking to you.” We’re humbled to think that our willingness to be of service might make a difference for a potential new member. Viewed with an open mind, we realize that it’s already made a difference for us.
While groups remain the most powerful vehicle for carrying the message, the NA service infrastructure exists to amplify our ability to fulfill this primary purpose. Members contribute to the good and necessary work organized by service bodies large and small. All of these efforts are geared to helping more addicts find their way to the rooms. We offer our time and effort and find ourselves becoming more invested, more connected, and more alive. Our willingness to show up and pitch in means that our groups have current meeting directories, that cops and doctors send addicts our way, that websites provide the latest information, and that incarcerated members get sponsors and NA literature.
Our primary purpose inspires all of these service efforts and more. We show up with the still-suffering addict in mind and find that our burdens are lessened by our generosity. Our service to NA affects who we are and how we interact with the world. Within NA and beyond, we do loving things for our families and communities and experience love in return. Our insights compel us to keep showing up and giving back and enjoying the rewards.
I am willing to show up and give of myself today. It will keep me clean and remind me of the abundance I enjoy as a result of the life I found in Narcotics Anonymous.All NAWS subscriptions are free. We are able to provide this service due, in part, to the generous contributions of our members. If you are a member, you can make a contribution here: www.na.org/contribute
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Matthew 12:36‐37
What Does Matthew 12:36-37 Really Meant in Real Life at This Present Time? By Anthony Joseph Hopkins August 27, 2022
Matthew 12:36-37 says: But I say to you that for every idle word man may speak, they will give account on it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. Let’s examine this for a moment or two, I did not know that God is recording our steps as well as our actions.
For Instance, the way we speak to each other on a daily basis is being recorded. It goes inside of our Book of Life. The Book of Life is our history from birth to death. It is a collection of behaviors, actions, reactions, and our tears will be collected to form the Book of Life.
Next, I want to inform all of you that everything that we do in our lives is being written down and recorded. I did not know until I started reading the Holy Bible that God is going to judge us according what we have done for Him. Our deeds and personal works are going to be judged. God wants all of us to help each other.
Further, I want to inform all of you that things are going to change very quickly. This is the reason why everyone is saying stay awake!! If you are caught sleeping at a very dangerous time as this, you have to stay sober, vigilant, observant, curious, and understand your own environment. According to Matthew 12:36-37, it is saying that the spoken word is going to be questioned. This means that what we are saying out of our mouth is going to either justify or condemn a person.
Moreover, everything is changing very fast. I have noticed that each year since the millennium year 2000. Each year is traveling very fast. This is because God is going to return for His People!! The things that we eat every single day is being written down by God.
God would like to know whether or not we are healthy to serve inside of His Kingdom. Do you know that the music that we listen to is being recorded by God? He wants to know whether or not we are double minded. God wants to know and understand us because He is determining whether we are of the world, or we are serving Him. God will even test our works to see if it will survive.
Finally, I want to inform all of you that we all have to get prepared to meet God. At least for me, I would like to get myself in shape to meet him. To be honest, God sees right through people. I would like to help other people to get themselves together just to meet God. I will admit that I need to get prepared mentally, physically, emotionally, and intellectually prepared to meet God.
I also have to spiritually prepared as well. I really have to pray every single day of the week. I have to pray frequently and without being afraid. Praying and reading the Bible are two ways that God can listen to me. I know that I have been having a lot of ups and downs when it comes to my behavior. I have been listening to auditory hallucinations and female voices from the women who scammed me out of money.
In Conclusion, I am doing my very best to change my behavior. I have even changed the music that I listen to. I even changed the environment that I am going to each day by shopping at BP Gas Station for certain things. God has been listening to me and He has been upset because I have been listening to Mary J. Blige, and other talented musicians who are good. When you look at my life and see what I see on a daily basis, you would see a person who is very depressed and sad at the same time. There are times when I have been thinking about solving things quickly, but I cannot do that because I will not go to heaven if I commit suicide.
In Summary, I want to say that I am content with myself right now. I would like to admit that I need a job, so that I can pay my student loans very quickly. My words that I am typing right now can justify me or condemn me because I have not been paying the right amount of money for tithes each month. I would like to talk to my pastor at church to find out what is really best for me.
Right now, I am walking around inside of a circle for the past 56 years. I am trying to really find myself. I know that my life has not been the same. I want to say that God is going to censor me for the way that I have been conducting myself during the past 30 years. I have been clean and sober for 32 years. I understand that it has not been easy for me academically in College as well as High School.
I want to thank all of my readers, who read my information. I want to thank all of the people who pray for me on a daily basis. I want to admit the truth to everyone. I want to inform all of you that I had a learning disability, while I was a student at the University of Toledo for five years. I tend to fail test because I do not study well in advance. This is all my fault.
I want to inform all of you that I have written three books. I do not have any business acting like a juvenile in my behavior. I have been running to mental health institutions for help for the past 25 years. I want to let everyone know that I am losing my memory. I have lost my short-term memory all together. Yes, I have a learning disability right now. I graduated from high school at the age of 20. I attended Job Corps in Grand Rapids, Michigan on Wednesday June 22, 1983. I stayed in Job Corps for 4 months. I came back home to Dayton, Ohio and graduated from high school.
I graduated from the University of Toledo in Toledo, Ohio with a 2.41 GPA. I only earned all Cs throughout school. I had to challenge myself in College by studying much harder than my peers. My peers were younger and smarter than me. I am an average student. I want to say that my family members are a whole smarter than me. My niece and nephews are smarter than me.
My niece earned her Masters Degree in Social Work two years ago. She is getting paid $85,000 dollars per year right now. I am proud of all of my niece and nephews. I consider them as my children because I was not able to become a father in real life. I sustained an injury to my groin on October 21, 1979 by playing football. I got speared tackled to the ground while I caught the football. This is the reason why I cannot become a father.
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28 April
Inspired to Understand
Page 122
“We begin to understand that other people have real feelings and that we are capable of hurting them if we are careless.”
It Works, Step Nine
Active addiction causes us shame, and shame feels lousy. We learned to shut down our feelings, to turn our backs to our emotional well-being. Before drugs were a problem, they were our solution. Our preferred state–a drug-induced haze–made it easier to shut down those pesky feelings.
When we get to NA, we start to feel better; we start to feel everything better. Early recovery can seem like a feelings roller coaster that takes us from uncomfortable to exhilarated with every turn. Since numbing our feelings isn’t a viable option, we take a stab at understanding ourselves and the effects of the disease. Step One helps us to see how powerlessness and unmanageability shaped our every attempt to control our drug use. We begin to identify our feelings and verbalize our thoughts and emotions. When members nod and laugh in recognition as we share, we experience how good it feels to be understood.
We are inspired to be more understanding and empathetic. We practice being thoughtful and kind, and others reciprocate. We gain an awareness of how our behavior affects others. We learn to practice discretion and keep our unsolicited opinions to ourselves at times. This is new! Where once we were careless, practicing understanding calls on us to be considerate of others.
We gain valuable insight as we inventory our behavior. Most of us find that we’ve been on both sides of hurt feelings. This brings our understanding of ourselves and others to a whole new level.
We gain additional clarity in the amends process. We rally the courage and willingness to meet with the people we have harmed, to own our mistakes, and to change our behavior. We apply the principle of understanding by moving through our lives with more care and concern. Because we’re human, there will be missteps, but as members of NA we have a process for staying clear and current.
I have a choice about my behavior today. I choose to be considerate of other people’s feelings and my own emotional well-being. I will allow understanding to influence my actions.All NAWS subscriptions are free. We are able to provide this service due, in part, to the generous contributions of our members. If you are a member, you can make a contribution here: www.na.org/contribute
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Definition of Resentments
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Resentment is a feeling of bitter indignation or indignation at being treated unfairly or receiving harm. It can be a strong and lasting emotion, often stemming from a perceived injustice or wrongdoing. Resentment is characterized by a feeling of anger, bitterness, and ill will towards the person or thing that is the source of the resentment.
Here’s a more detailed breakdown:
- Feeling of displeasure:Resentment is a negative emotion, a feeling of being displeased or dissatisfied.
- Indignation or bitterness:It often involves a sense of being wronged or treated unfairly, leading to a feeling of bitterness and anger.
- Perceived harm or insult:Resentment is often directed towards someone or something that has caused harm, injury, or insult, either directly or indirectly.
- Long-lasting:Resentment can linger for a long time, even years, if not addressed and resolved.
- Impact on relationships:Resentment can negatively impact relationships, leading to tension, conflict, and even the breakdown of connections.
Resentment – Wikipedia
The ‘present threat’ being that the past harmful action(s), makes a claim: that you can be treated this way, or that such treatment is acceptable; It poses a th…
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Resentment – Definition, Meaning & Synonyms – Vocabulary.com
/rəˈzɛntmənt/ Other forms: resentments. Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, doesn’t have actual …
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Resentment: Signs and Stages – WebMD
Aug 2, 2024 — When these feelings become unbearable, they can lead to resentment. Inability to stop thinking about the event. Sometimes, resentment leads to an ina…
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RESENTMENT definition in American English – Collins Dictionary
resentment in American English (rɪˈzentmənt) noun. the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or in…
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Resentment
Resentment is a complex emotional response to a perceived injustice or mistreatment. It can be described as a combination of anger, disappointment, disgust, and disapproval. Some say it’s a secondary emotion triggered by insult or injury. Resentment can be hard to let go of because it can feel like accepting something you disagree with. It can manifest as blaming others, refusing responsibility, and wallowing in self-pity.
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DictionaryDefinitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
re·sent·ment/rəˈzentm(ə)nt/nounbitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.”his resentment at being demoted”Similar:bitternessindignationirritationpiquedispleasuredissatisfactiondisgruntlementdiscontentmentdiscontentresentfulnessbad feelingshard feelingsill feelingsacrimonyrancoranimosityhostilityjaundiceantipathyantagonismenmityhatredhateenvyjealousymaliceill willgrudgegrievancea chip on one’s shoulderireOpposite:contentmenthappiness
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Merriam-Websterhttps://www.merriam-webster.comRESENTMENT Definition & Meaning
Apr 17, 2025 — The meaning of RESENTMENT is a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.
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4 days ago — a feeling of anger because you have been forced to accept something that you do not like: He harbors a deep resentment against his parents for …
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Resentment is the feeling you experience when you have the thought that’s not fair when we think we have been wronged in some way.
Resentment is a function of envy and it completely changed my life.
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A resentment is when we feel like we’ve been treated unfairly but instead of dealing with it directly with that other person we hide it.
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Solace Asiahttps://www.solaceasia.orgResentment – Definition and Coping Mechanism
Apr 1, 2024 — Resentment arises when an individual feels wronged, slighted, or betrayed by someone else’s actions or circumstances.
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WebMDhttps://www.webmd.comResentment: Signs and Stages
Aug 2, 2024 — Resentment describes a negative emotional reaction to being mistreated. There is no single cause of resentment, but most cases involve an …
Vocabulary.comhttps://www.vocabulary.comResentment – Definition, Meaning & Synonyms
Resentment, or the strong and painful bitterness you feel when someone does something wrong to you, doesn’t have actual physical weight, but it feels very heavy …
May 15, 2024 — Resentment can be described as a complex, multilayered emotional reaction to being mistreated or wronged by another person, situation or series …
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Reddit · r/EnglishLearning2 comments · 2 years agoWhat does resentment mean? : r/EnglishLearning
In Cambridge dictionary, resentment is a feeling of anger because you have been forced to accept something that you do not like.
Wikipediahttps://en.wikipedia.orgResentment
Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is a complex, multilayered emotion that has been described as a mixture of disappointment, disgust and anger.
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Letting Go of Resentments
Overcoming Resentment in Recovery
Written by Steve Rose
Steve Rose, PhD, is an addiction counsellor and former academic researcher, committed to conveying complex topics in simple language.
Addiction and Recovery
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As you enter the early stages of addiction recovery, you may find yourself confronting an unexpected and powerful emotion: resentment. It’s as if a storm has been brewing inside you, fueled by past hurts, betrayals, and perceived injustices. The weight of this emotion settles heavily on your shoulders, making it difficult to focus on the progress you’re trying to make.
“I don’t deserve this,” you think to yourself, as certain situations or conversations seem to awaken this simmering resentment. A casual remark from a loved one or a seemingly harmless memory suddenly ignites a deep-seated anger within you. Your heart races, your palms grow clammy, and you find yourself thinking, “Why do they always have to bring that up?”
In these moments, you become acutely aware of the walls you’ve built around yourself. “I have to protect myself,” you tell yourself, feeling a strong urge to shield yourself from the perceived attacks and criticisms that seem to lurk around every corner. This defensiveness is like a suit of armor that you wear, keeping you isolated from those around you, and making it difficult for you to truly connect with others.
In active addiction and early recovery, resentment can manifest in a variety of ways, including:
- Constantly dwelling on past events or situations that caused us pain or suffering.
- Feeling a sense of injustice, as if we’ve been unfairly treated or wronged by others.
- Harbouring negative emotions towards others, even if they’re no longer in our lives.
- Difficulty in forgiving and letting go of grudges.
In recovery, it’s essential to acknowledge and address resentment. This involves understanding the root cause of our feelings, reflecting on our part in the situation, and finding healthier ways to cope with these emotions. By doing so, we can work towards healing and prevent resentment from hindering our progress in recovery.
It’s also crucial to surround ourselves with a strong support network and seek professional help when needed, as these resources can provide guidance and encouragement in overcoming resentment and maintaining sobriety.
Table of Contents
- Recognize the Effects of Resentment
- Identify Your Resentments
- Let Go of Resentments
- Overcoming Resentments in 12-Step Recovery
- Conclusion
Recognize the Effects of Resentment
Resentment can be a significant barrier to taking responsibility for one’s recovery, as it often leads to reactivity, defensiveness, and the adoption of an unhelpful victim identity. This can manifest in various ways, ultimately hindering progress and personal growth:
Reactivity: When resentment is present, individuals may become overly sensitive and reactive to situations or comments that remind them of past hurts or perceived injustices. This heightened reactivity can make it difficult for them to maintain a clear perspective and respond constructively to feedback or suggestions, which are crucial for growth and healing in the recovery process.
Defensiveness: Resentment often fuels a defensive mindset, where individuals feel the need to protect themselves from perceived attacks or criticisms. This can make it challenging for them to accept responsibility for their actions, as they may be unwilling to acknowledge their role in the situation or the consequences of their choices. This defensiveness can hinder progress in recovery, as it prevents individuals from learning from their mistakes and making necessary changes.
Victim Identity: Resentment can lead to the adoption of an unhelpful victim identity, where individuals see themselves as powerless and blame others for their problems. This mindset prevents them from taking control of their lives and making proactive choices to improve their circumstances. By maintaining a victim identity, individuals may feel justified in their resentment and unwilling to accept responsibility for their recovery.
Self-Sabotage: Holding onto resentment can result in self-sabotaging behaviors, as individuals may unconsciously undermine their own recovery efforts to confirm their victim identity or avoid addressing their resentments. This can create a vicious cycle of relapse and reinforce the belief that they are powerless over their addiction.
To overcome these challenges and take responsibility for one’s recovery, it is essential to recognize and address resentment. This can involve self-reflection, therapy, and support from friends, family, or recovery groups. By actively working to let go of resentments and adopting a mindset of personal accountability, individuals can make significant strides in their recovery journey and develop healthier coping mechanisms for dealing with emotions and setbacks.
Identify Your Resentments
Identifying resentments is a crucial step in addressing them and moving forward in the recovery process. Here are some strategies to help you recognize resentments in your own life:
Self-reflection: Spend time reflecting on your thoughts and emotions. Ask yourself if there are any situations, people, or events that consistently provoke negative feelings such as anger, bitterness, or frustration. Journaling can be a helpful tool for this process, as it allows you to record your thoughts and feelings in a structured way.
Patterns of behavior: Observe your own behavior and interactions with others, especially during times of conflict or stress. Pay attention to recurring themes, such as consistently feeling wronged or unfairly treated by others, or reacting defensively when receiving feedback.
Physical sensations: Resentment can manifest in physical sensations, such as muscle tension, headaches, or a tightness in the chest. Be mindful of these sensations and consider whether they might be linked to unresolved resentments.
Seek feedback: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your feelings and emotions. They may be able to provide an outside perspective and help you identify resentments that you might not have recognized on your own.
Engage in recovery groups: Participating in support groups or 12-step programs can be beneficial in identifying resentments, as you can learn from others’ experiences and insights. Listening to others share their stories can help you gain a deeper understanding of your own resentments and provide guidance on how to address them.
Inventory of resentments: Create a list of people, institutions, or situations that you feel have wronged you or caused you harm. Be honest with yourself and include any resentments, even if they seem minor or irrational. This inventory can help you gain a clearer understanding of the resentments you’re holding onto and serve as a starting point for addressing them.
Let Go of Resentments
Letting go of resentments in recovery is a crucial aspect of personal growth and emotional healing. Resentments can hinder progress in recovery and lead to self-destructive behaviors, making it essential to address them effectively. The process of releasing resentments involves multiple steps and strategies, which are outlined below.
Acknowledge your resentments: The first step in letting go of resentments is to acknowledge their existence. Identify the people, situations, or events that have caused you pain or discomfort and recognize the negative emotions associated with them. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and accept that holding onto these resentments is preventing you from moving forward in your recovery journey.
Self-reflection: Spend time reflecting on the root causes of your resentments. Ask yourself why you feel wronged or hurt by the person or situation and consider any underlying issues or beliefs that may be contributing to these feelings. This process can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and provide valuable insights into your patterns of thought and behavior.
Take responsibility: Accepting responsibility for your part in the situation is a crucial step in letting go of resentments. Recognize the choices and actions that may have contributed to the conflict or issue and be willing to accept the consequences of those decisions. By taking responsibility for your actions, you can empower yourself to make positive changes and break free from the cycle of blame and resentment.
Practice empathy and compassion: Cultivating empathy and compassion can help you see the situation from the other person’s perspective and develop a greater understanding of their actions or motives. This can enable you to let go of anger and bitterness and foster a sense of forgiveness and understanding.
Forgiveness: Forgiving those who have wronged you can be a helpful aspect of releasing resentments. This does not mean condoning or forgetting the hurtful actions but rather choosing to let go of the negative emotions associated with them. Forgiveness is a personal decision and may take time.
Learn from the experience: Use your resentments as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Reflect on the lessons you can learn from the situation and consider how you can apply these insights to future experiences. This can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and prevent resentments from recurring in the future.
Develop healthy coping strategies: Replace unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns with more constructive alternatives. Techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, and deep breathing exercises can help you manage negative emotions and reduce stress, making it easier to let go of resentments.
Set boundaries: Establishing healthy boundaries can help you protect your emotional well-being and prevent resentments from recurring. Communicate your needs and limits clearly with others and practice assertiveness to ensure your boundaries are respected.
Focus on gratitude: Shifting your focus from resentments to gratitude can help you develop a more positive outlook and appreciate the progress you’ve made in your recovery journey. Create a daily gratitude practice, such as journaling or sharing your gratitude with others, to cultivate a mindset of appreciation and contentment.
Overcoming Resentments in 12-Step Recovery
12-step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA), place a strong emphasis on addressing and resolving resentments as part of the recovery process. These programs view resentments as a significant barrier to personal growth, emotional healing, and long-term sobriety. The principles and steps outlined in 12-step programs offer guidance on how to manage and let go of resentments effectively.
Several key concepts from 12-step programs are relevant to resentments:
Resentments as a “number one offender”: In the context of 12-step programs, resentments are often referred to as the “number one offender,” meaning they can be a major obstacle to recovery and a leading cause of relapse. Resentments can fuel negative emotions and self-destructive behaviors, making it crucial to address them in order to maintain long-term sobriety.
Personal inventory (Step 4): The fourth step of the 12-step program involves conducting a “searching and fearless moral inventory” of oneself. This process includes identifying resentments and examining the root causes of these negative emotions. By acknowledging and analyzing resentments, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of their feelings and thought patterns, which is essential for personal growth and healing.
Admitting wrongs (Step 5): The fifth step of the 12-step program involves admitting to oneself, to another person, and to a higher power (as understood by the individual) the exact nature of one’s wrongs. This step encourages openness and honesty about one’s resentments and the role they may have played in the situation, fostering a sense of accountability and personal responsibility.
Making amends (Steps 8 and 9): Steps 8 and 9 of the 12-step program focus on making amends to those who have been harmed by one’s actions. This includes acknowledging and addressing resentments held against others, as well as seeking to repair any damage caused by one’s own behavior. Making amends can help to mend relationships and promote forgiveness, both for oneself and for others.
Ongoing self-evaluation (Step 10): The tenth step of the 12-step program involves continuing to take personal inventory and promptly admitting when one is wrong. This ongoing process of self-evaluation and reflection can help individuals identify and address any lingering or new resentments, ensuring that they do not hinder personal growth or recovery.
Spiritual growth (Steps 11 and 12): The final two steps of the 12-step program emphasize the importance of spiritual growth and helping others in their recovery journey. Developing a stronger connection with a higher power (as understood by the individual) and practicing principles such as forgiveness, compassion, and humility can help individuals let go of resentments and maintain long-term sobriety.
In summary, 12-step programs view resentments as a significant obstacle to recovery and provide a structured framework for addressing and resolving these negative emotions. By following the principles and steps outlined in these programs, individuals can work towards letting go of resentments, promoting emotional healing, and maintaining long-term sobriety.
Conclusion
In conclusion, resentments are a significant barrier to personal growth and recovery from addiction. They can fuel negative emotions and self-destructive behaviors, making it essential to address and resolve them effectively. Strategies such as self-reflection, taking responsibility, practicing empathy and compassion, and forgiveness can help individuals let go of resentments and promote emotional healing.
Moreover, participating in 12-step programs offers a structured framework and supportive community for individuals to work through their resentments and maintain long-term sobriety. By actively addressing resentments and developing healthier coping mechanisms, individuals in recovery can make significant strides in their journey towards personal growth and emotional well-being.
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Drop The Rock
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Drop the Rock: How to Let Go of Resentments in Your Recovery
Home / Blog / Drop the Rock: How to Let Go of Resentments in Your Recovery
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Key Points
- Drop the Rock refers to releasing resentments and character defects that hinder recovery from addiction.
- The metaphor originated from the story of swimmers crossing a lake while carrying heavy stones, symbolizing the need to let go of emotional burdens.
- Releasing resentments creates space for personal transformation, improving self-awareness, relationships, resilience, and overall well-being.
- Key principles include honesty, willingness to change, acceptance, surrender, daily practice, humility, responsibility, forward movement, and forgiveness.
- These principles apply universally to all types of substance use disorders and mental health challenges, with community support playing a crucial role in the healing process.
The recovery process from drug and alcohol use also requires personal growth and emotional healing. Resentments function as heavy rocks weighing down your progress, preventing full freedom from addiction’s grip.
These persistent negative feelings toward people, institutions, providers, or situations poison your present and threaten your future. Left unchecked, these resentments drain your emotional energy and create barriers to authentic connections with others. Identifying and releasing these burdens opens the door to deeper healing and sustainable sobriety. Let’s drop the rock together.
What is “Drop the Rock?”
“Drop the Rock” refers to a powerful metaphor in recovery circles that originates from the story of swimmers crossing a lake while carrying heavy stones.[1] The rocks represent character defects, resentments, and harmful patterns that weigh down people in their recovery journey. This concept emphasizes the importance of identifying and releasing these burdens to achieve genuine freedom and healing.
The phrase gained widespread recognition through the book “Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects,” which focuses specifically on Steps Six and Seven of the Twelve Step recovery program.[2] These steps involve becoming willing to let go of character defects and humbly asking for their removal. The “Drop the Rock” philosophy offers universal wisdom about how holding onto resentments and negative patterns blocks personal growth and serenity in recovery.
How Can Dropping Your Rocks Help With Personal Growth?
Releasing your resentments and character defects – “dropping your rocks” – creates space for profound personal transformation. When you let go of these emotional burdens, you free up mental and emotional energy that was previously consumed by negative thoughts and feelings. This liberation allows you to redirect your focus toward positive growth and development in recovery:
- Improved self-awareness: Identifying resentments helps you recognize harmful patterns and triggers in your life.
- Enhanced emotional regulation: Letting go of anger and bitterness reduces emotional reactivity and increases stability.
- Stronger relationships: Releasing resentments enables healthier connections with others based on forgiveness and understanding.
- Greater resilience: Without the weight of past hurts, you develop healthier coping mechanisms for life’s challenges.
- Increased mindfulness: The practice of releasing resentments promotes presence and appreciation for the current moment.
- Better physical health: Reducing stress-inducing resentments can lower blood pressure and improve overall well-being.
- Spiritual growth: Many find that releasing resentments opens pathways to deeper spiritual connection and purpose.
Key Principles of Drop the Rock
The philosophy around dropping your rocks centers on several foundational principles that guide people through the process of releasing resentments and character defects. These principles form the backbone of this approach to emotional healing in recovery:
- Honesty and self-examination: Truthful self-inventory identifies the specific resentments weighing you down.
- Willingness to change: Transformation requires genuine openness to let go of familiar patterns, even when they’ve become comfortable.
- Acceptance of imperfection: Recognizing that character defects are part of the human experience helps reduce shame and increase self-compassion.
- Surrender: Learning to release control over people, situations, and outcomes that aren’t yours to manage.
- Daily practice: Dropping resentments isn’t a one-time event but an ongoing process requiring consistent attention.
- Humility: Understanding that personal growth often requires help from others and/or a higher power.
- Taking responsibility: Acknowledging your role in situations while releasing blame toward others.
- Forward movement: Focusing energy on present actions rather than past grievances.
- Forgiveness: Developing compassion for yourself and others is an essential component of releasing resentment.
How Can I Let Go of Resentments in Recovery?
Letting go of resentments is a cornerstone of sustainable recovery, essential for both emotional sobriety and spiritual growth. The process requires self-awareness and dedicated practice.
- Identify them: Create an inventory of your grudges, hurts, and lingering anger. Many in Alcoholics Anonymous use the framework found in the Big Book to catalog who they resent and why.
- Understand the impact: Recognize how these feelings create self-defeating patterns and block your progress. Resentments often mask self-pity while actually eroding your peace.
- Take responsibility: Acknowledge your role in situations without taking blame for others’ actions.
- Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness isn’t about condoning harmful behavior but freeing yourself from its ongoing power over you.
- Connect with others: Share your journey with a sponsor, therapist, or trusted friend. Many find that working with a sponsor later helps reinforce their own healing.
- Develop a spiritual practice: Whether through prayer, meditation, or nature connection, finding your own way of life that includes spiritual elements supports joyful recovery.
- Focus on character growth: The Twelve Step Program emphasizes identifying and addressing character defects or patterns that no longer serve you.
- Read recovery literature: Resources like “Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects” by Bill P. and “The Ripple Effect” by Todd W. offer in-depth guidance on releasing resentments.
- Trust the process: Many who’ve walked this path before share personal stories of freedom found through surrendering resentments to a Higher Power.
Can These Principles Apply to All Drug and Alcohol Addiction?
The principles of dropping the rock and releasing resentments apply universally across all types of substance use disorders. These emotional healing practices address core issues that typically underlie addictive behaviors, regardless of whether someone struggles with alcohol, opioids, stimulants, or other substances. The process of identifying character defects and letting go of past hurts works effectively because it targets the shared emotional patterns that often drive dependency.
When people learn to release resentments and practice self-awareness, they develop stronger coping mechanisms that apply to any recovery journey. This emotional work creates a foundation for lasting sobriety by addressing the root causes rather than just managing symptoms, making these principles valuable tools for anyone seeking recovery, regardless of their substance of choice.
Mental Health, Too?
These principles work well for mental health recovery, not just addiction. Letting go of resentments helps with depression, anxiety, trauma, and other mental health issues. When you release old hurts and change negative thought patterns, you heal emotionally. This approach helps anyone trying to improve their mental wellbeing.
Community support makes a big difference in recovery. Connecting with others who understand your struggles provides comfort and hope. In support groups and recovery communities, people can share openly without fear. Others help you see patterns you might miss on your own. The encouragement from these communities keeps you going when times get tough. Many people find that helping others strengthens their own recovery, creating benefits for everyone.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need to be in a 12-step program to benefit from Drop the Rock principles?
How long does it take to drop my resentments?
Can I practice these principles if I don’t believe in a Higher Power?
How is Drop the Rock different from general forgiveness practices?
What if I drop a rock but later pick it back up?
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Resentments
27 April
Recognizing and releasing resentments
Page 121
“We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was, and release it so we can live today.“
Basic Text, p. 29
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Many of us had trouble identifying our resentments when we were new in recovery. There we sat with our Fourth Step in front of us, thinking and thinking, finally deciding that we just didn’t have any resentments. Perhaps we talked ourselves into believing that we weren’t so sick after all.
Such unwitting denial of our resentments stems from the conditioning of our addiction. Most of our feelings were buried, and buried deep. After some time in recovery, a new sense of understanding develops. Our most deeply buried feelings begin to surface, and those resentments we thought we didn’t have suddenly emerge.
As we examine these resentments, we may feel tempted to hold onto some of them, especially if we think they are “justified.” But what we need to remember is that “justified” resentments are just as burdensome as any other resentment.
As our awareness of our liabilities grows, so does our responsibility to let go. We no longer need to hang on to our resentments. We want to rid ourselves of what’s undesirable and set ourselves free to recover.
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Just for Today: When I discover a resentment, I’ll see it for what it is and let it go.All NAWS subscriptions are free. We are able to provide this service due, in part, to the generous contributions of our members. If you are a member, you can make a contribution here: www.na.org/contribute
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